Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Am I alive?

Consider this..

A 23 years old (no.. I'm not 24 years old.. I'm still 23 years old), haven't graduated yet and do not want to graduate. There is no different if I die today or I die tomorrow.

I'm stagnant.
I lost all of my motivations.

I don't have any idealism, now..
and I don't have any practical plan to step into pragmatism.

Thus, what is the different between I, who is assumed to be alive, and those who have been buried in cemetery?

My sister told me, the old Kunderemp would laugh at me if he saw me in this condition and she was right.

I'm tired
I'm tired of hearing other people's expectation from me
I'm tired of blaming others
I'm tired of satisfying others which mostly ended to clash to the one who expected me
I'm tired of expecting others to do what I want
I'm tired of planning

Sometimes I wonder why the angel of Death hasn't come to me? Why he should pick others such as Ridha Rusin, Ariyanto, Aseppudin, a daughter of a taxi driver, a Papua student, and others. I'm an ungrateful student who only hurt more people the longer I live. Why doesn't he come and put a dot in my life?

[*** censored in 2nd editing.. considering the sensitive phrase I brought ***]

I'm dead. There's nothing I can do but doing meaningless activity.
Anything I had was nothing more than illusion.
Maybe this world was nothing just my another long dream.
Maybe I never woke up from my sleep.
Maybe this post will be my last.

I don't know..
Anything can be happened, can't they?


jpmrblood said...

Considering you still breathing, yeah.
Considering I answer your question, yeah.